I have never been attached to babies, maybe it is just because I never got to babysit or because I didn’t live with my younger siblings growing up. I carry them for a few minutes… and I am done… back to their moms. When they cried nonstop, it was just a turn off…..back to their moms. When they smelled like they had pooped, forget it, I could not clean that so guess what? Back to their moms.
I really enjoyed my single and free life, selfishly thinking that there was no room for sharing. All those ‘awwws’ that other female friends had when they saw babies was not for me. It had me wonder sometimes if it would affect my relationship with my kids some day. However, right from the surprise of being pregnant, I was already falling in love with the human growing in me. Although I still wondered if I was capable of being a mummy because I still felt like a baby myself who was still glued to her mum.
So just about 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I felt some mild pains which got me kind of nervous. I was 8-10 weeks into my pregnancy. The pains intensified one dawn and when I woke up, I told my mum I had to go to the hospital. We rushed to the ER and with an emergency scan and it was discovered I had a 12cm fibroid! ‘Good Lord!’. I honestly didn’t know what to do as I had so many questions running through my mind and the doctors where not helping with the information they gave me. Apparently, the fibroid was bigger than the head of a foetus and would both struggle for space in my womb. I was told, I would feel a lot of discomfort during my term, because it could only get bigger. The average size of a fibroid, I was told was 7-9cm and mine was 12cm! However, the good news was that it was outside the uterus wall and will not distract the baby.
Not satisfied with the information, I went online to do my own research but this did not help the matter (the worst decision I made).
I read on ‘Degeneration’ and got scared on how people described it as very painful and some even said it was more painful than childbirth! I was down because I was told it could not be removed while I was pregnant so I had to deal with it throughout my pregnancy.
Amidst my horrible ‘morning sickness’ (which happened all day), I had to deal with some pain and discomfort of fibroid. As a photographer who already had bookings for weddings, it seemed too late to cancel some weddings which were just months away.
On one of my assignments when I was 4 months pregnant, the pains intensified so much, I could do absolutely nothing. I was quickly rushed to the ER, put in a wheel chair and wheeled into the hospital. I was monitored and given some drugs to ease the pain but the drugs did nothing! I wanted something stronger but was told was impossible. I had to go back home and deal with the excruciating pain! The fact that I hadn’t even experienced labour pains yet got me even more fearful because I have zero tolerance for pain. My mum had to nurse me day and night. I could not laugh, cough or walk. I stayed in bed throughout. All I did to take my mind off the pain was music; worship songs. This happened the week my parents had a vacation, so my mum wanted to cancel her flight but I asked her not to. She reluctantly left me with my cousin who had to take over, helping me use the potty and all. It was so embarrassing. After two weeks, I felt better, I felt lighter, I felt kind of free. The doctors told me the complications may return but with prayer and faith I never felt that pain again. I enjoyed my last four months of pregnancy; went to work daily, walked normally, went out, danced and ate so well.
Thankfully the day arrived and my labour was bearable, if no pain at all. Just when I pushed and heard the baby cry I couldn’t help but also cry as the doctors shouted, ‘It’s a girl!’ My husband and I kept the gender a surprise till delivery. We had hoped to have a girl and God blessed us with one. I held on to her so dearly and kept crying, all tears of joy, gratitude and relief, I guess. I had an 8.5 lbs healthy baby through vaginal birth with no complications at all. I couldn’t be happier.
Suddenly, something just changed in me. I got more emotional, cried at almost everything, be it good or bad. Got so attached to my baby and very concerned. The least cry or shout from her, I would dash to her side. My perception about life and babies in general, changed. My ways of doing things changed. It’s like there was another me. When she poops, I don’t mind it getting all over me. My main concern was my baby getting clean. I didn’t mind her burping on me either. She once had a stuffy nose and the only way I could get it out was to suck it! I did it without hesitation. I go shopping and do not even think about myself. All I think of is getting stuff for my baby girl. The paycheque I previously felt was not enough to share is now more than sufficient so long as my baby has all she needs.
Motherhood has changed me and it’s a feeling I pray everyone woman gets to enjoy. The sleepless nights, crying, messiness, etc, is worth it. I never thought I could care this much. Now I see other babies and I am the first to go like ‘awww’, I am so full of admiration. I meet other mums and I cannot stop talking about babies/kids. My baby girl means the world to me and because of her I have discovered a new me. I have learnt to be more patient, tolerable and loving.
Fibroid does not mean you are infertile and it doesn’t mean you will have a miscarriage. If you have to take them out, make sure you see a professional/expert. If you have a case like mine, please try and bear the pain and have your babies, then you can take them out. All the best!