Most people underestimate how difficult it is to wait your turn. After going through what I have been through I believe it is the most difficult when others get handed their blessings before you even though you think you have been asking God way before them.My name is Marian, almost mummy to the most beautiful baby girl yet to be born and the journey to get here was not the easiest or most pleasant.
The funny thing is after getting married, my husband and I decided to wait for a year before trying to get pregnant. We wanted to adjust to married life, get our finances in order… you know the usual excuses. We didn’t want to succumb to the pressure we get in our culture to get pregnant immediately after getting married. Had I known what I do now, I would have tried to get pregnant the second the pastor made us say our vows. We managed to avoid anyone who would give us this undue pressure but after 6 months I started to buckle, I convinced my husband to let us start trying. I think he just gave in because he was tired of hearing me whine about getting old and being a “walking pregnancy detector for the whole of Ghana.” I could spot a pregnant lady from a mile away. In most cases, I would even spot the pregnancy even before she knew she was pregnant. Yup, I was that annoying friend.
I really wasn’t sure what to expect when we started trying. I did get pregnant, but I was left with just one tube after it became an ectopic one and raptured. I kept asking myself
“Am I whole?”
“Will I even get pregnant again?”
“What if this pregnancy also becomes ectopic?”
“Will it happen quickly for me?”
Doubt had started to set in. The first three or four months were the most stressful especially when I was convinced that “this month will be the month” but then I was harshly greeted with a negative test result. My heart was breaking. I quickly rushed to my doctor and said
“Dr Asamoah, we are trying to get pregnant and nothing is happening oo”
“How long have you been trying?” he asked.
I recall from conversations with my sister that you had to be trying for a year before the doctors would start assisting so I did the unthinkable and lied. I mean I was getting desperate at that point.
“One year” I said.
Month after month, the doctor would prescribe all the medication in the world to assist me get what I wanted faster. Clomids, Fertilovits, Folic acids, washing of tubes or in my case tube, name it and I took it. This went on for a good eight months and I started to question if this was going to happen for me at all. My husband, God bless him, constantly kept repeating
“Baby, Gods time is the best”
As much as I love him, this was the last and the most annoying thing to hear. We want the thing now you are hear talking about Gods time. Ugh!
Well if I thought I was in hell I was about to go deeper. Four women in my office got pregnant…. all at the same time.
“How? God How?”
“They all got married after me?”
“How is this possible?!”
I remember being told by one of them
“Be there and keep joking. Your mates are moving ahead”
The other kept loving on her beautiful bump any chance she got. I mean she would raise her top and rub the naked belly righhht there in the office. She had no idea how beautiful it was watching her yet how heartbreaking it was. I had officially become broken, mentally, spiritually and emotionally.
Depression was my best friend. I had started to drink and smoke. I refused to talk to anyone, stopped seeing the doctor and didn’t want to see any of my friend’s kids or even touch them. Mind you I was everyone’s favourite auntie Marian. I just wanted to be alone. I pushed my husband and family away. I remember telling my best friend
“Maame, I will never ask why someone is not pregnant after being married for a certain number of years. Maame, I think God is teaching me a lesson in Heavenly patience and about minding my own business. He has truly taught me how Hannah felt”.
After a year of truly trying, I had accepted that maybe this was my fate. I may not be able to have kids. I started speaking to my husband about adoption and surrogacy. The man at this point was just tired of my dramatic behaviour. He did not want to hear it. I confided in one of my friends how I really felt, no lies and no facades. I truly opened up. It was then, I received my heavenly message to honour and love those who had been granted the gift of child bearing before me. To be their confidant, be their friend, read and research as if I was pregnant myself, prepare myself for the gift I wanted to receive.
This was going to be hard but I was determined. I did exactly what I had been advised. I became that friend that pregnant friends asked questions about child birth and pregnancy. I became that friend they could ask about the best hospitals, became that friend that introduced friends from different circles to each other because they were both pregnant and needed help. I would offer to babysit my best friend’s kids any time she needed and she would say with so much conviction
“Marian delay is not denial. Your testimony is coming”.
I would receive so many God bless yous for the help I gave and I truly started to feel like myself again.
My testimony DID come, about two months later. I didn’t even realise I was pregnant till my husband and best friend’s mother kept telling me. The Lord had broken me, taught me lessons and built me up into someone better. On the 28th of December, I finally confirmed I was pregnant in my car, in traffic, test kit in one hand, pee in a bottle in the other. I got THE TWO LINES I had been waiting for.
LOL! Only Marian will do her test kit in a car!
I realise some people wait even longer than I had to, get broken even more than I did and go through even worse but to anyone that is trying to conceive, this is dedicated to you. Victory is yours and Delay is definitely not Denial. When your testimony comes, it will be beautiful!